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Rock Tales
#63-Jay
Vaquer
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One summer I was a lifeguard at the Officer's Club pool at Ft.
Benning. I overheard a Captain ask our pool manager if he knew of
any good rock bands to play for a pool party being planned for a
Ranger battalion recently back from Vietnam. Seizing the
opportunity, I modestly told them I belonged to the best rock band
in town- The Bitter End. Herb Guthrie on drums, Mike Guthrie on
guitar, Gary Burnette on bass and me on guitar. Bob, the pool
manager, attested the claim and we were hired for the gig at $250.
We arrived early, set up, sound checked, and began playing on time.
Mike selected "8 Miles High" to open and when we finished,
instead of getting the applause we expected, we got " Hey, can
you guys play `Louie Louie` or something we can dance to"? Mike
said "sure" and selected "Stephanie Knows Who"
by Love. The song has some phrases that extend beyond 4-4 time. This
would automatically throw the dancers out of time and they looked,
and probably felt, like a bunch of spazzed dorks. The officer's
wives got together during the third song and decided that Herb was
the one throwing in those odd beats and they were going to throw him
in the pool for that. The band was on a raised platform with the
upper pool at our backs. Nonchalantly, several women gathered
directly behind Herb, who was behind us. In the middle of the song,
they grabbed Herb's arms and legs and were trying to throw him in
when he kicked his legs free and fearfully implored we rescue him. I
was cracking up, but Mike, only about 15 years old, saw his brother
being attacked (maybe he knew Herb could'nt swim) so he yelled at us
to go help Herb. Gary and Mike jumped off that stage and started
slinging those wives like ragdolls to the concrete deck. When the
Ranger Officers saw their wives with ripped clothes and bloodied
elbows, inflicted by these hippie freaks, they attacked. I swiftly
grabbed my guitar and went straight to the supper club balcony.
Herb, Mike, and Gary ended up in the pool. Herb was so furious he
went back on stage to the microphone, dripping wet, and shouted,
"the Army sucks, you guys are a bunch of idiots". Before
he got much further, the Rangers attacked the stage in a group. Bob
tried to stop them and got a bloody nose for his futile effort.
While he was calling the Military Police, the enraged Rangers were
kicking drums over and tossing our equipment into the pool. Seeing
those Fender amps floating stunned every one when they realized they
were still plugged in. The Rangers were laughing and joking about
going into the water now, so Herb, Mike and Gary came up to where I
was safe. The M.P.'s arrived and said there would be an
investigation and we were banned, again, from Ft. Benning. My Dad
was in Vietnam so Herb and Mike's Dad, still in the Army, went to
the Ranger's commander and asked about the damaged equipment. They
said they would take up a collection. A week later he brought us a
check for $65. And unfortunately, we did not get paid for the gig.
It was a bitter end to The Bitter End. About one month later we
changed the name of the band to "Arnold Bean" and conned
our way back on post playing at the Lawson Field Officer's Club with
Gary Loftin, a.k.a. Professor Jackson, who dressed as an Arab (The
Six Day War), stood in front of the stage, and acted as our
intermediary and bodyguard. This is Tale 66.
Rock lesson #63- Don't tug on Superman's cape and don't mess
around with Army Rangers or their wives.
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LEGAL
DISCLAIMER
All sounds, images, video, and graphics are a Copyright ©
of Jay Vaquer Press. Any use or reproduction without
expressed prior written consent could result in legal action or an
extensive full-body cavity search.
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